Lost in Uncertainties

After one week of paternity leave, I resumed office last 20 March. Seven days are not enough to understand fatherhood and I secretly wished for longer days. I now understand why most fathers I knew go home early from office, seldom join the boys-night out, and have graduated from bar room jokes to diaper/milk talks. I have not realized that fatherhood also affects my net life. My google key words changed from [MUSIC, MOVIE, CAR, BUSINESS, SCANDAL, TRADING] to [BABY CARE, BABY GROWTH, BABY MILESTONE] and anything with baby on it. My most visited website is the blog my wife prepared for Karl. I joined some mailing groups whose members are all professional & working fathers talking about baby matters. And, if you observed, my recent posts were all baby-centric. Indeed I am a certified baby addict convert.

After two months of maternity leave, my wife will resume office next week, 15 April. She’s been on leave for 75 days but it seems like yesterday. She really enjoyed motherhood that the thought of coming back to work sort of saddened her. She surely loves her job but she loves Karl more. Perhaps all working mothers have went through that stage, and all managed to survived. Motherhood is entirely different from the corporate career, yet it is a career in itself. I admired my wife for being the best in both worlds.

After 64 days, Karl turns 2-month old today, 08 April. He does not understand the concept of time yet, and we are grateful for that. At least he does not need to look at the clock from time to time to check if it’s going-home-time, or hope everyday is weekend or a holiday, or wish Mommy & Daddy will not leave him anymore for office/business. Because if that happened, I wonder how me & my wife could refuse him.

His name is Karl Isaac. It was decided months prior to his birth.

Karl means "manly" and "handsome"; Isaac means "he who will laugh" or simply "laughter". The name is our top choice since we wanted a kid who has the proper blend of charm and humor — strong yet gentle, brave yet compassionate.

For his nickname, we opt to call him "Zac". It’s my choice since I have certain preference to names starting on the last letters of the alphabet (XYZ). But our family, upon learning of his full name, started to call him "Karl". I did not have the chance to correct them so it became the popular choice. His cousins started to call him that too and it is quite unusual to correct little kids.

I thought the naming will stop there. But sometimes me and my wife find it habitually-funny to call him names. When he’s so cute we would call him "Bait " or "Batuts", short for "bata-batuta", and he seems to like it since he would behave for longer time. At times when he’s crying too much and it seems impossible to pacify him, we would call him "Buknoy" or "Baknot" or "Pangit". We knew those are ugly names, and I usually joked I will stick to any of those if he does not behave. Amazingly, that would be enough to pacify him.

At night before bedtime, we used to say a little prayer with him. Before saying goodnight, I would kiss his cheeks and whisper to his ears the words "goodnight, our sweet little Angel". It made his sleep more peaceful. When he wakes up in the morning, we still say a little prayer, and I still call him "Angel".

When he’s active and in playful mood, we call him "Incey-Wincey" since he’s so fond of the song "Incey-Wincey Spider" and perhaps he associate it as his playing name. I wonder if we will call him "Humpty Dumpty" or "Twinkle Twinkle" too when the "Incey Wincey" magic disappeared.

Since he’s a little chubby now, we sometimes call him "Batsoy". When he’s dimples appeared, we call him "Dimples". But those are not that popular since he did not like them compared to the other names.

As days passed, we could not help but creatively come up with new & unique names, usually coined ones. The new names are not to confuse him, but perhaps our way to express how special he is. Right now we have names like: "Biko", short for "Baby ko" and "Malko", short for "Mahal ko". And the list goes on.

His first birthday will be ten months from now. And since the currently most popular and decent of his names is "Karl", it might be the letterings on his cakes and balloons. However I  realized later that mono-syllable words do not blend well in the Happy Birthday song. So there’s a possibility that it will not be "Karl".

But definitely not "Buknoy".